Dating After Divorce

Divorce can be emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually taxing for most people. After making a commitment to marriage, divorce can feel like failure, can inflict emotional wounds and scars, and leave you feeling deflated and at a loss as to what next.

While well-meaning family and friends may try to encourage you to get out there as quickly as possible, provide a distraction or introduce you to prospective new partners, only you and you alone can know when you are ready to start dating once more.

How Do You Know When You are Ready to Start Dating Again?

  1. You have given yourself time to grieve the loss of your marriage and have come to a place of acceptance as to where you are emotionally and mentally.
  1. You know and have a clear insight about what you want and don’t want in a relationship going forward, and you can confidently and openly share this with others, while still laying your personal boundaries.
  1. Your feelings about your ex on now neutral. You do not harbour any resentment and grudges and you are not continuously wondering or worrying if he/she has moved on without you.
  1. You feel excited at the prospect of dating, of meeting new people and welcoming new experiences into your life.

Before you start dating again, recognise that there is a healing, releasing and surrendering process that you need to go through first. Some may need more time than others, be patient and gentle with yourself.

How do you Release Old Hurts and Emotional Wounds?

Once we have been hurt emotionally or otherwise, we are left feeling week and vulnerable, so the natural tendency is to pile on layers of armour or hide behind walls, to avoid feeling that kind of hurt again. We tend to hide our real selves behind the façades of fear, anxiety and sometimes anger and blame. In order to release and let go of these barriers and remove the armour, there are a few things that you can do:

  1. Step into forgiveness: forgiveness does not mean you can necessarily forget the behaviour of others, it means that you are no longer willing to carry around pain in response to their actions or the situation
  1. Love yourself: you are the most important person in your life and when you can learn to love yourself in the way you would like others to love you, a natural healing starts to occur. Pay attention to your own needs and wants and start to focus on giving this to yourself.
  1. Acknowledge your feelings: tune into your feelings and acknowledge them and then really feel them. Let them unfold and do not judge them. If you try to ignore, push them away or down, they will add to the armour and do more damage
  1. Show your vulnerability: in vulnerability lies strength, so do not be afraid to show them to the world.
  1. Speak openly and honestly and with an open heart: if you’re feeling angry about something speak up about it. Bottling it up will only create a volcano that builds inside you. This does not mean you need to go into attack mode, but you can express why you feel angry and what is causing it in a neutral way. By doing this you allow yourself the opportunity to reclaim your power.

Dating after divorce can be an exciting new start. Allow yourself the time to heal and when you’re ready, embrace a new beginning to find new love that has mutual respect and commitment. Remember, you have learned what you do and do not want in a relationship, so carry this forward to your new partnership but do not let the past influence your new love.

About the Author :- Tammy is an experienced writer in relationships, divorce, self-healing and self-empowerment. She lives in South Africa, working primarily as an international Clairvoyant Psychic, Intuitive Counsellor and Animal Communicator.